the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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