i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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