how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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