Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
