Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
