i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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