i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry my hands just texted you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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