Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
