i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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