I heard we made out
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
