I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
