My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
