Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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