she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
