Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
