I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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