Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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