Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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