Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
