im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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