WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
