So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
