it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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