We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
