We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize