I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We have started to decorate penises.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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