I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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