best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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