I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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