What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
