girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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