Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
