Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
