I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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