Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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