I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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