im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
