you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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