first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
