i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
