on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
