Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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