Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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