I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
