i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
