I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
