I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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