So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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