Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
