i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
