I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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