i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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