Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
