If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
