Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
