But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is her dick bigger than yours?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
