nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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