I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
