Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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