He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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