TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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