Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
