Just fell off a train. Bad.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
