I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
