she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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