is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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