Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
