apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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