Where did you get a picture of my penis
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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