Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
