she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
