Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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