He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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