I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In other news, I just burned my penis
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
