just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
