Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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