I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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