You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
