when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
