This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We left the knife in your bed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
